The more connections we can have with someone, the more likely it is that we can get through to them.

The Science Behind This…

Our brains scan the environment 5 times per second to detect friends or enemies around us. Our brain thinks people who are similar to us are ‘friends’, and those who are significantly different to us are ‘enemies’ (may pose a threat to us).

The more points of similarity – connection – the brain detects, the more the threat response in our brain is reduced, and the reward response triggered. When we are in the company of ‘friends’, the brain releases a ‘feel good’ hormone called oxytocin. It puts us at ease and willing to listen and engage.

How can I connect with people?

1. Know who you are – your personality and communication styles

2. Know how you are perceived by others

3. Know your people,

  • their personality and communication styles
  • what motivates and demotivates them.
  • Their interests, dislikes, their maps of the world.

4. Smile and use their name often.

5. Demonstrate as many points of similarity as possible. These might include:

  • Physically matching and mirroring their body language
  • Shared experiences, values, beliefs
  • Matching their communication style 

Recommended Reading. Available at Amazon  or  iTunes through the links below.

Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, Revised Edition

Influence – Robert B. Cialdini, PhD (iBook)

How to Win Friends and Influence People

How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age (Unabridged) – Dale Carnegie & Associates, Inc. (audiobook)